I can always tell when my kids are really tired because they end up in tears over things that really don’t matter. I know that they hate it when I say, “Baby, you’re tired. You need to go to bed or take a nap.” They always disagree. “I’m NOT tired!” Of course, the tears continue, proving to me that they really are tired. Why do they fight it so much?

I recognize this in my children because I have the same problem. When I’m tired, I cry or at least I feel like crying. Sometimes, I can’t cry so I get really agitated. Last night, I was walking the dog at 9:45. I hadn’t stopped all day. It hadn’t been a bad day, but I was really tired. I felt the sudden rush of tears, but I reminded myself that it was a waste of energy to cry. Besides, my mom always told me that I was really ugly when I cry, and I always get a headache after crying. Instead, I yanked the dog on the leash and hollered at her to hurry up! Sensing my anger now directed towards her, she tucked her tail and did nothing. Good work, Kitty! Since I realized that abusing the dog wasn’t going to help, I found the snow shovel and began to beat the crap out of the ice on the stairs in the backyard. (I’ve fallen several times - in my hiking boots - so I had a lot of anger towards that ice!) I’m sure my neighbors appreciated the noise while they were already in bed. I didn’t care, though. I was mad at all of the people who COULD be in bed! Eventually, all of my work was done, and I was able to curl up in bed. I wanted to savor the time, but instead, I fought my eyes to stay awake.

I guess I’m still tired this morning. Little Kitty has been asking me for several weeks to switch the seats around in the van so that she can crawl in and out easier. I switched them before so I knew how to do it. While in the garage, I gathered up the odds and ends lying around and threw them in the trash. I came in and emptied the litter box and all of the trash cans as well. Back in the garage, I began working on the seat. It was actually very easy to remove; however, when I moved it over to the middle of the van, I dropped the back metal pieces into the slots on accident. (When you place the seat, you have to place the front metal pieces first, then lower in the rear ones.) Try as I might, I could not get the stupid back of the seat removed again. Eventually, with tears streaming down my face, I smashed my finger, the one I was flipping myself off with!! I just sat there in the car by myself and cried and cried - just like my babies do!

When I came inside, I wanted to call Rowland to cry to him, but I knew how ridiculous I would sound. “Honey, I smashed my finger, and it really hurts. I can’t get the ********* seat placed correctly because I screwed up…….” I knew what he would think. “You’re tired, baby. Go get back in bed and take a rest.” I know this because that’s what I tell my children.

A few minutes later, he called me. I told him what had happened, then started to cry. “I’m really tired…..” He told me just what I knew he’d say, “Go get back in bed and take a rest.” The only problem is that I have errands to run, laundry to do, a dog to feed and walk, bills to pay, etc., etc. Sometimes I just get tired of feeling tired. It’s frustrating! Even as I type, my dog is upstairs barking to get out of her kennel, the bills are waiting to be paid, my shower is calling as are the errands, the sheets are on the floor waiting to be washed, and the suitcases I’m giving to a friend are in the back of the car waiting to be taken to the church. I still have my groceries and some hairspray to buy. By then, it’ll be time to pick up Carson, then the little ones after Spanish, then dinnertime, clean sheets put on the bed, walking the dog several times, cleaning up the kitchen, helping my babies get in bed, working out, and finally crawling into bed around 9:00 (if I happen to be lucky!).

I know it sounds like I’m whining, but the truth is, I wouldn’t change my life with anyone else’s in the world. I just know that for at least the next 13 1/2 years (when Jia graduates from high school), I’m going to be tired. Hopefully, my husband will still be compassionate enough to tell me, “Go get back in bed and take a rest.” And when he does, I’m going to do just that - with tears running down my cheeks!