My brother Troy and his wife, Karla, flew into town last Friday, the 20th. It was the first time I’d seen him for more than a few minutes at a time in almost three years. We’ve had lunch once and attended a funeral together, but other than that, our interaction has been via telephone sporadically. “Uncle TB” is 14 years younger than I am, and his wife is a year younger than he is. In the eight years of being together, they’ve hit a bump or two in the road, but I’m so proud of them. They continue to pursue each other and to pursue God and fight through the tough times to make it to the hilltops! They’ve learned hard lessons at young ages, lessons that they’ll carry with them forever, lessons that God will use in others’ lives for His glory.

The Beautiful Couple - Inside and Out!

I enjoyed their being here so much. They were so easy to be around, so upbeat and go-with-the-flow. While we would take our naps, Troy and Karla would be outside at the park playing with the kids or down in the basement playing Wii or air hockey or Rock Band or whatever game the kids had in mind. Our kids felt so loved!! As a parent, that’s priceless to me!

Aunt Karla and KeKe

Uncle TB with William and KeKe

They also spent four nights in Breckenridge skiing and just hanging out together. Sounds like they had a blast. Our week was busy, and it was great to look forward to their return on Friday. When they got back, we went to Red Rocks and Evergreen (for Beau-Jos pizza, of course!), then out to dinner for William’s family party. When family lives so far away, it is a real treat to the kids when family appears on birthdays. William was excited and enjoyed Parry’s Pizza followed by chocolate cake. We let him open his family presents, and he spent the evening with a huge smile on his face.

Red Rocks

Uncle TB and His Oldest Nephew

Uncle TB and William - In All Their Facial Hair Glory!

TB and Some Stranger (okay, me)
Diaper Dancing to “Another One Bites the Dust”
(MEMORIES!!)

Uncle TB, Aunt Karla, and Their Colorado Nieces and Nephews

Oh, yeah! I almost forgot to mention Karla and my trip to the piercing/tattoo studio! Karla went and held my hand as I finally got my belly button pierced! Now that we’ve bonded in that special way, I’m definitely expecting to be in the delivery room when they get around to having kids!!

This morning, they headed to the airport, and once again, I cried. I HATE good-byes! They definitely leave with a piece of my heart and lots of prayers for their exciting future together.

There once was a little girl who loved to play with dolls, especially her Cindy-doll. She would lie in bed at naptime and nighttime and cuddle her baby, dreaming of riding across the country in a covered wagon. As the little girl grew older, she still loved to hold her Cindy-doll at night and dreamed of the day when she would have a baby of her own, a family of her own, a man who would choose her to love forever. That was all that she wanted out of this life.

As she grew older, the “world” began to knock her around a little, then a little more, and just continued until she no longer believed in her dream and moved it over to the “fairy tale” category. As nice as she tried to be, as independent and self-sufficient as she tried to be, as thin and attractive as she tried to be, as entertaining and loving as she tried to be, no man would choose her to love forever. Some men were kind; some men were boring; some men were fun; some men were wimps; some men were strong; some men were godly; some men were definitely ungodly; some men were handsome; some men were full of personality; some men were mean; but not one of those men wanted to love her forever no matter how hard she tried to be everything she could be to everybody, the queen of all people pleasers. Finally, the no-longer-a-little-girl gave up on her dream.

About that time, a very handsome, successful, kind, strong man walked into her office and invited her to lunch. For reasons that no one on the planet knows (including this girl), she naturally turned down his invitation! Persistence paid off, though, and it wasn’t long until Prince Charming had stolen her heart. He told her that she was the most beautiful girl in the world, that she had the most beautiful eyes he’d ever seen. He had her dress up and took her to beautiful restaurants and truly wined and dined her. He was very intelligent, successful in his career, and quite debonair. He even told the evolving-into-a-princess-again young woman that he loved her (before she told him!). Then, after only a few months, he gave her a beautiful diamond ring and told her that he would love her forever. And they weren’t just words to manipulate her heart.

On February 19, 1994, Rowland Smith stood up before God and a handful of friends and family and told them all that he chose me! And of course, Kitty Braswell could have shouted her “I Will” for the entire world to hear!!! It has been a long, sometimes hard, often joyful journey since that day 15 years ago. It has also taken me 15 years to finally believe that he REALLY does choose me for FOREVER. Of that, I am finally certain! He has held me in his arms and carried me at times when I could no longer walk through Life. He has surprised me and put smiles on my face when I thought I couldn’t laugh or smile anymore. He has been a true partner as he has allowed me to wrap my arms around him through the valleys of his walk. He is an amazing father, full of patience and constantly looking for teaching opportunities as well as memory-makers. He knows every part of me, and yet, he would die for me. He really loves me that much. And I could not live on this Earth without him by my side! I could not!

Last night was a romantic dinner with beautiful gifts as we celebrated what we do every single day, choose to love each other forever! Thank you, my Heavenly Father, for giving me the husband who is truly perfect for me and for beginning to show me that I might just be the perfect girl for him as well! I love you the most, my Handsome Prince!!!

15 Years - The Best is Yet to Come!

We took Carson out to dinner for his birthday last night and had a great time. Here are some pictures from the restaurant.

Awwww……We Love You, Carson!

Kitty and Hollie, Our Senior Roommate

Jia and Momma

Whose Dessert Is It Anyway?

We came home to cake made by Jia and Mommy, then decorated by Daddy with a guitar and “notes.” It was delicious!

Jia Making Cake

14 Candles

Enough Candles to Set Off the Smoke Alarm

Kitty Loving Her Big Brother

Daddy’s Princess

My baby turns 14 years old today! What a delight he has been. As a little guy, he was my best bud. We would sing together, laugh together, dance on the coffee table together….. He carried a little Barney EVERYWHERE he went and almost chewed the hand off of one of them! He always loved to get his little people out of their boxes and set them up on the coffee table. As he would watch videos, he would have his people act them out and knew every word of every video perfectly! Amazing! My family warned me that there would never be another Carson, and they were definitely right!

He still makes me laugh in a special way. His humor reminds me so much of my brother Douglas. Carson and I drive around town laughing at how hysterical we are. We are definitely our biggest fans! He’s also one of those neat kids who can be in trouble, accept his discipline, and get over it. In just a little while, after having time to process, he’s right back around telling some story or discussing some “Office” show.

Although babysitting isn’t his favorite job, he does a great job of it. He’s learned to bite his tongue (in fact, part of it is probably gone!) when his little sister is driving him nuts. He’s great at getting the kids in bed, making sure they’ve taken baths and cleaned their rooms. He’ll make dinner, and sometimes he’ll even clean up afterwards!! He wants to be a youth pastor or worship pastor when he grows up, but I have a feeling that it’s because he digs the guitar more than anything else! He plays on stage with his daddy now in the big worship service, and I think he totally rocks!

I know the day is coming when he won’t think that I’m so cool anymore, and he is already getting tired of my “20 questions,” but I’m thankful that the day hasn’t arrived yet! Carson Rowland Smith, I am SO proud of you and love you with all of my heart! May your day be an extra special one!!!

Born February 17, 1995, 9 lbs. 6 oz.

Already a Rocker!

Camping with Daddy

Ready to Do Some Serious Damage

The Smile I LOVE!

Moving to San Jose, California

One of His More Serious Moments

Crawling Around the Cave Dwellings

One Handsome Dude!!!

Do you ever feel like life is just kicking your butt? That’s how I’m feeling now. I guess I should start with all the things that I’m thankful for. I’m thankful that my husband has a job that to this point has been secure. I’m incredibly grateful that I have four children who are healthy and happy (most of the time anyway!). I’m thankful for a wonderful husband who I can honestly say is my partner in life. I’d definitely sink without him! I’m thankful for a beautiful home with lots of room for our big family. I’m thankful for good neighborhood schools where my children are nurtured, taught, and safe. I’m thankful for the town in which we live, for the amazing friends that God has given to me. I’m thankful for the girls in my Bible study, for the way that we live life together, love each other, lift each other up in prayer. I’m thankful for a church that I truly love full of people who aren’t complainers in the midst of very difficult times for many of them. I’m thankful for the relationship that I have with God, for the way that He is always there to listen to my cries, to rejoice with me, to hold me up when I feel like I’m drowning. I’m thankful for my extended family, especially my momma who always loves me regardless of my sometimes poor decisions, who encourages me and is empathetic when I need her to be. I’m thankful for my sister Danea, for the way that she loves me and has loved me so unconditionally, for the way that she understands me. I’m thankful for my dear friend Anita who has wisdom beyond her years and is a wonderful problem solver.

With all of those things to be thankful for, how is it that it seems that life is continually kicking my butt? My OCD causes me to see all of the mess in my house, the closets that constantly need to be cleaned out, the photographs that need to be divided into the kids’ albums, the books that I want to read and those that I need to read. Even doing my Bible study seems overwhelming at times, although I know that time spent in the Word is not a choice but is LIFE itself. My house is constantly needing to be cleaned. The bathrooms are never clean enough, especially the boys’ bathroom! I see dust everywhere, not just on the furniture but also on the tops of shelves, on nick-knacks, everywhere. I can never get the glass shower doors cleaned regardless of the product I use. With four children, I have appointments running out of my ears. The medication that I take to “survive” causes me to need naps, taking away from time that I need to clean, exercise, run errands, volunteer in the schools. Our children aren’t involved in a lot of activities, but I still run ragged on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons with dance and gymnastics. Kids’ homework (especially Carson’s middle school work) is always in the back of my mind as is making sure bills are paid, sheets are returned to school, money is in the kids’ lunch accounts, special events are not missed, etc. My recent weight gain is a clear sign that I haven’t been exercising and that I’ve been grabbing food on the go. There are hair cut appointments, orthodontic appointments, allergy appointments, growth hormone follow-ups, dental appointments, physicals, and the list just goes on and on. I certainly couldn’t make it without my therapy appointment each week either!

I look around me, and I see people who seem to have it all together. I do know that in large part “seem” is the key word. I have a feeling that everyone around me is feeling overwhelmed as well. It just seems that others handle life better, that they spend more time with their children, playing games or going to the park or the swimming pool or museums. Getting dinner on the table is a constant chore for me as I’m often napping during the time I should be preparing. Even as I type this, I’m thinking of my billfold that needs to be cleaned out and my checkbook that needs to be examined. Scheduling time with my friends is even a chore at times as I always feel that there is more that I need to be doing even if it’s staying home and spending quality time with my precious husband. I have the desire to go through my house and throw everything away, yet I cull closets and drawers on a continual basis.

I am constantly reminded of my dear friend in Oklahoma with six children who says that when she gets to the end of her life, it won’t be pretty. She’ll be sliding in, dead tired, looking a little worn around the edges. All I know as I cry out to God is that He knows that this life is kicking my butt. He gave me these four precious children that are overwhelming at times because I want to love each one of them so well. He gave me a wonderful husband who needs my attention and whose attention I need. I guess my prayer is that the harder life kicks, the stronger His arms will be to lift me up and place me back on my feet. And somewhere deep inside of me, I must believe that because I keep crying out to the One who is bigger than life itself, the God of the whole universe who holds each moment of my life in His hands. And thankfully, NOTHING kicks His butt!

A few weeks ago, I found a little boy living in China who was abandoned at the age of 6. He’s 9 now and has been living in an orphanage since. This little boy is intelligent, funny, and has no defects of any kind, yet he was abandoned. I told Rowland that I did not feel that I could handle any more children but that I thought that we should at least pray and ask God if this was our son. He agreed.

Shortly after, I learned that if you are on anti-depressants (which, of course, I am), then you are no longer a candidate to adopt in China. Door closed. As Rowland and I discussed this little boy and another one in a similar situation, he came up with some very valid questions to be considered. Who are we as Americans to think that we offer a better life just because we have the financial means to provide more? Who’s to say that there isn’t a better situation for those little boys right there in China? After all, they are growing up in a Christian-run orphanage so they will surely be introduced to Jesus. Certainly, neither of us would argue that living in an orphanage is better than having a family with a mom and dad who love you. Sometimes, though, we, as Americans, have the attitude that we’re going to rescue these children from a horrible life of poverty with no opportunity. Seems a little lofty to me…..

As I am asked about Jia, I am almost always praised for rescuing her or for my willingness to adopt a child. I never know exactly how to respond. I didn’t adopt Jia because I am an amazing mom. In fact, my plate is WAY too full. I adopted Jia because my husband asked me to pray about it and felt called to it. Once I prayed, I felt that God confirmed His call in me as well. Do I feel like I’ve rescued Jia? No. Do I even feel that she will have a better life here? I guess that depends upon how you define better. She will be raised by two loving parents with three siblings in a semi-functional home. She will learn about Jesus, but my theology tells me that if she were going to accept Jesus, He would make Himself known to her even in China.

If I am to be honest, I would have to say that the reason that I adopted Jia is that I really wanted to do it. I believe that Jia is my daughter, born in my heart but born in a country far away. I believe that God led me straight to her. I don’t believe that I have done anything grand or lofty. I don’t even believe that I rescued her. I believe that she is just as fortunate and just as unfortunate as the rest of my children. I know that she is loved with the same imperfect love with which I love my other children. I guess the point that I’m making is that Jia is another child that I wished for, just as I wished for Carson, William, and little Kitty. My life is fuller because she is in it. My life is crazier because I’m a mom of four! Adopting Jia was purely selfish on my part. She completes our family and makes my life richer.

I spend so much time on Facebook these days that I hardly ever take the time to post to my blog. I’m determined to get back on track, but who knows how long that will take?

First of all, Rowland and I celebrated the anniversary of our first kiss on January 24th. As usual, my husband made me a fabulous dinner (pork tenderloin, french style green beans, wild rice, wine, and, of course……vanilla creme brulee!!) as we watched the Miss America pageant. This tradition has lasted for 15 years, and it’s not stopping any time soon if I have anything to say about it. It has actually become more fun with age as I no longer feel like I’m competing with the other candidates. They’re babies! I’m a mom of four who’s 43 years old! And I have my man!!!

Another Kiss to Add to the Books!

Just a couple of days later, Jia lost her second tooth. I love the fact that she just lets me stick my hand in her mouth, wiggle the tooth a little, and pull it right out. No drama! No tears! Just a calm little girl letting her momma pull her tooth. Of course, because she is so low maintenance in this area and because Kitty has already told her that there’s no such thing as a tooth fairy, she expects nothing in return for her little tooth. Nana, on the other hand, still believes in Santa and the Tooth Fairy and thinks we’re horrible for not encouraging Jia’s belief. We dubbed Nana the “Nana Fairy,” and Jia now waits for her check to come in the mail! Sure enough, she received $5, $2.50 for each tooth lost!!

Jia with One Less Tooth

This past Friday was also a busy day for our family as Friday mornings give me the opportunity to volunteer in Kitty’s class. This Friday was Pajama Day in her class, and her friends bet her that her momma wouldn’t show up in PJs. You know me and a good bet! I wore the cutest ones I have and had a blast with the other kids.

Sissy Being Silly

I Know, Mom, Her Hair is in Her Face!
(She likes it that way!)

Friday was also a VERY special day for William. He was in the top 24 out of 192 kids in 4th - 6th grade to make it to the finals of the spelling bee. We checked everyone out of school early and cheered him on! Although he didn’t win, we were so proud of his courage for standing up before all of those people, speaking boldly into the microphone, and representing his family and his class so well!! Congratulations, William!

William Making Us Proud!

William’s allergies seem to have improved somewhat as he is still carrying around his “red spot!”

Valentino Actually Purring!

Carson enjoyed his first Lock-in at the church. I think that there were around 60 kids from the youth group who spent the night, most of whom stayed up all night! Rowland and Kitty were at the church early to cook breakfast for the kids. They had a blast while William, Jia, and I stayed in Breck for several days! Too much excitement for this momma!

Carson and His Bud

Hopefully, I’ll do better about keeping up with my blog, but for now, I have a cold, and I’m headed back to bed!