My two handsome men, Rowland and Carson, headed out to Greeley today to a car show where they showed Rowland’s ‘67 Mustang Ski Country Special. They had a great time looking at old cars, and you can be sure that Rowland’s got lots of looks!

Carson Showing His Dad’s Car

Carson also found “his” car and will be working hard over the next 2 1/2 years to make the grades to earn one. It’s a pretty nice “carrot” to hold in front of him, and I must say, he looks awfully good in it!

Very, Very, Very Cool!

Tonight, we headed to Brunswick Zone for some bowling and pizza. Rowland won, of course, but the kids all said that he was a “professional” so his winning didn’t count! There was lots of laughter, and while I didn’t bowl (because of my fake nails - lame, right?), I did enjoy the 80s music and danced and sang along!

Hollie’s Friend Mike Joining the Fun

Rowland’s “Professional” Form

Proud KeKe

William Doing the Happy Dance

Rowland Helping Jia with Her Bowling Rack

Scary Carson

Holly Giving Carson a Much-Desired Hug (HA!)

Rowland and His Babies

Proof That My Baby is Taller Than His Momma

My momma has been here for 10 days - not nearly long enough. She came out to watch the kids for Rowland and me to take a trip to Boston. (Pictures to come later in the week.) We had a wonderful time together. I love just knowing that my momma’s in the house, that there’s always someone around who wants nothing FROM me and everything FOR me. I love knowing that I can lie down with my head in her lap ANYTIME, and she’ll drop everything and rub my head as long as I’ll lie there. There are no more biased eyes than a momma’s. She thinks I’m beautiful, that everything I do is perfect, that my children are the most well-behaved angels on Earth. She ALWAYS takes my side and hurts when I hurt, laughs when I laugh.

Her visit came at a great time. As I’m going through this “where did my babies go?” and “will they still love me as big people?” and all of the other questions and insecurities, I’ve been more sensitive to stopping and holding my own momma’s hand, giving her that extra hug, telling her how much I love her. For the first time, I truly understand from the depths of my heart what her heart needs. I also understand how much she’ll miss me when she gets on that plane this morning, and I’ll miss her just as much. It seems that as I move into this new phase of life with my own children, my momma’s heart and my heart beat together once again.

I LOVE YOU, MOMMA!!!

These last several weeks have been amazingly stressful in our home. I could go through all of the reasons, but suffice it to say that as we enter a new stage of life with our children, it has caused major stress. I remember when my children were babies, and those moms a little further down the road would tell me how much harder parenting would get as my children grew older. Physically, it was to get easier, but emotionally, it was to become much more difficult. Those moms were so right. Even with “good” children who haven’t gotten into any worldly trouble YET, life has become much more difficult, much, much, much more stressful. A good night’s sleep doesn’t fix “it” anymore. A night out without children doesn’t renew me like it used to do. A few days away with friends or my husband doesn’t provide an escape. In fact, not an hour goes by in any day that I don’t find myself worrying, trying to come up with the perfect “fix,” and lifting my teenagers before the Lord in desperate cries. (And now the tears begin to flow as is so often the case these days.)

I remember a pastor friend telling me one time that having children was like cutting out your heart, putting legs on it, and sending it to walk through life. How painfully true. I find myself filled with memories of those days when I was such a “perfect” mommy to my babies - in their eyes. I picture their laughter, their beautiful eyes, their little hands on my face. I adored my babies, but I looked forward to the time when my body would be mine again, with no one tugging on it, no aching arms from holding babies while dragging all of their stuff, nights when I could sleep all night…. Do I want to go back? NO! Do I cherish every one of those memories? Oh, more than I ever imagined!

I also remember a childrens’ director at our church telling me that children were not ours. They’re just on loan from God. I still remember the pain I felt when she told me that. Somehow, that pain has turned into a little relief, a gentle reminder that they’re really God’s children, that He loves them even more than I do, that He is, as Hagar so perfectly said it, “the God who sees.” He is the God who can see inside of their still-growing bodies and minds. He is the God who knows what truly motivates them. He is the God who has promised to never let go of them as they are, after all, His sheep. He is the God who placed the Holy Spirit inside of them when they chose to follow His Son. He is the Parent in charge. I’m the babysitter, entrusted with an enormous responsibility, but still, only the keeper for this period of time.

As I sat outside last night and prayed for each of my children (with special prayers for a couple), I heard God so clearly remind me that He is the God who sees. He sees the pain of a momma’s heart, the fear that overwhelms me at times, the tears that hide behind my smile and sweet voice, the struggle to keep putting one foot in front of the other, the desire to run away mixed with the desire to cling to this life at the same time, the shooting pain in my neck, the tremendous love for each member of my family, the endless second-guessing…. As I cried out to God and asked Him to make me physically stronger, physically more able to get more done and not feel so exhausted, emotionally capable of not being combative, emotionally able to give kindness and goodness and mercy and grace when I feel like hiding under my covers, He spoke to me. As I begged Him for wisdom to see those places in my life where I could find the “down time” that He created me to need so desperately, He spoke to me again. As I asked for forgiveness for the times when I’ve “lost it” with my children or my husband and said words out of anger, He spoke to me yet again.

And what did He say? Kitty, you’re right. You can’t handle all of this. I never meant for you to handle all of this. Remember, Kitty, My yoke is easy, and My burden is light. Why don’t you give all of those things to Me? I’m here, and I’m waiting.